"we almost dated" is such a weird relationship to have with someone
Plus the sequel “we never got closure”
And then the side adaptation “as a result I have a weird crush that never died”
all I know
that shit is wild true. i went to dinner at my ex’s gma’s house and met his aunt (who has two young, very handsome sons that i also met. one’s still in hs and the other is 19) and we got to talking about ‘kids these days’ as older black folk always tend to. so a few minutes into the conversation, his aunt goes in about how “aggressive” young black girls are and how she sees how they act around her sons and how she knows how it was back in her day when girls would point out a boy that had lighter skinned or ‘good hair’ and be like ‘oh i’ma have a baby by him’ and low and behold they’d have a baby by him and so and so forth. of course i could only take it for so long before i launched into the conversation and we had a huge debate (me defending young black girls and pointing out over and over again that so much of their “aggressive” behavior stems from wanting desperately to be acknowledged, validated, and accepted not only by their peers ie: all of this has a source and by just attacking the behavior of young impressionable women without acknowledging the motivation behind the behavior we’re just beating up on black girls which is not what i’m about). but all in all it was so fascinating to me seeing how she spoke about young black girls. her own intense fear of her young, handsome sons being “trapped”, and how she ultimately saw her children as innocent fresh meat tossed into an arena of hungry, salacious, lustful girls just waiting to devour them. and i’m looking at these two boys (not to say anything bad about them, they’re both athletes and good students and were polite and good company), and i know for a fact there isn’t anything doe-eyed about them. but i could see how that pattern is set up. i can see how the internalized misogyny of black mothers, especially our intense protection of black males and how much easier boy children tend to have it in the matters of sex and romance, exactly how the boys in turn start to see girls of their age group as opposition, not comrades. as things to be both obsessed with but ultimately wary of. they learn the wariness both from their peers but also sometimes in their own households.